


The Temple of Fiery Doom and Untold Treasure

by Haruspeks



Category: The Order of the Stick
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 02:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17051162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haruspeks/pseuds/Haruspeks
Summary: In which an adventure happens without Vaarsuvius deigning to notice.





	The Temple of Fiery Doom and Untold Treasure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [molybdomantic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/molybdomantic/gifts).



> This is my first time doing Yuletide so I’m very nervous but let me wish you the merriest of yules and hope you get something out of this little gift :3 Also while I adore this comic I have never acctually played dnd so i hope the lack of meta jokes isn’t too jarring.

Early morning, Vaarsuvius was at an inn. It’s familiar but that doesn’t have to mean anything since their companions seem to have an unreasonable preference for this type of establishment. Any modestly provided suggestions that the abundance of alcoholic beverages may hinder rather than help in the planning the Orders endeavours had been met with scoffs and the bard launching into an entire tirade on how it was appropriate for the setting. Thus Vaarsuvius ignores the locale.  
   
Anyway they have more important things to think about (as always an understatement) specifically the Heart-of-a-Widow. This mysterious flower seems to be mostly unknown to the civilised world yet might contain significant magical power. Since their companions dull as they are did not want to pause in their search for stolen wealth to delve into the ramifications of this new discovery Vaarsuvius must pretend to sit on their meeting. They nod whenever Mr. Greenhilt asks a direct question, this seems to be enough to make him smile in happiness and relief. Sometimes the simplicity of human minds astounded the elf.  
   
“Hey V” Mr Greenhilt says putting an inappropriately familiar hand on Vaarsuvius shoulder. “You’ll be making sure no one sneaks up on us from behind the temple.”  
   
“I shall keep you most secure.”  
   
“And thanks for agreeing to take Elan with you.” He pats their shoulder.  
   
“Did I?”  
   
“Oh yes you did.”  
   
Well, how bad could it be?  
   
————————————  
   
Very. It could be very bad. The bard was inexplicably loquacious, for one with so few thoughts it must be a feat beyond all elven or human imagination to procure the amount of words per minute he does. Vaarsuvius could not imagine how the others can stand someone so wordy.  
   
“V are you even listening.”  
   
“Yes.” It’s not a lie, Vaarsuvius learnt their lesson from earlier today and will have to find a way other than deafness to avoid in the approaching migraine.  
   
“So you agree?”  
   
“Oh yes you do deserve more responsibility, in fact…” Vaarsuvius looked the bard straight in the eyes and lifted one eyebrow with an air of conspiracy. Under their breath they cast a small eternal flame. The bard looked transfixed. “Could you take of this very extremely magical, mystical… thing for me? Roy said you couldn’t do it but I trust you.”  
   
The bard accepted it into his hands with reverence.  
   
“Its beautiful,” he whispered. “I’m gonna name it Fluffy. We’re gonna be such good friends.”

“Fantastic”

“Is that why you’re carrying that flower around?”

What?”

“Is it your friend? Did you name it something?”  
   
“…Well go find Fluffy a place to sleep, somewhere out of the way. Far away.”   
   
“You should name it Buddy!” Elan ran of shouting something about being best friends with Fluffy for ever and ever.

———————————

Elans wanderings led him to the mouth of a cave covered in paintings of flames and destruction in earthen tones, reminiscent of those a snake uses to warn predators that it’s poisonous. In the dark maw of the cave they semed to grow more detailed, and more threatening.  
   
“This looks like your home Fluffy! Let’s go inside.”  
   
The flame said nothing.  
   
“Oh you crack me up. I love our little back-and-forths.”  
   
The flame flickered. The shadows on the wall made the decorations seem to move in an unsettling way.  
   
“I wonder what happens if I put you on this pedestal decorated with flames and corpses?”

———————  
   
“You know,” Roy says, “It’s so nice that Elan isn’t here because we can say whatever we want.”  
   
“What do ye mean lad?”  
   
“Like ‘this is going so well’”  
   
“Yeah or ‘what could possibly wrong?’” Belkar adds from behind them.  
   
“If he was here he would yell at us about tempting fate, its nice to get a break.” Roy says and steps confidently on the hidden lever that makes them all fall into the cave of the fire beast.  
   
The cave seems empty except for-  
   
“Hey guys!” Elan yelled while frantically waving. His clothes were slightly scorched. “Fluffy got super big! Also I think she’s evil now.”

———————

As a young elf Vaarsuvius had never understood when their elders had told them that silence is among the most blessed of virtues.

One of many times wisdom had come with age. Vaarsuvius smiled to themselves as the finished the binding circle around the plant.  
   
The crystals round i tlit up with an orange glimmer, There semmed to be an arvcan heat surrounding everything. Vaarsuvius held their breath, they couldn’t believe it was already working. If this could be harnessed as a modifying agent for transitive spell components it could revolutionize spell creation and, more importantly, make a magnificent thesis.

The heat seemed to glow with increasing intensity as Vaarsuvius pondered research grants and accolades. The orange tint didn’t seem to come from the crystals any more, but rather the general area.

All in all it took about five minutes for them to realize they were standing in the middle of a wildfire. Now a fire by itself is far from deadly to one trained in the arcane arts, it is however rather damaging to a small plant protected by nothing but the pot it resides in.

Vaarsuvius grabbed the pot but it was already alight.

“I’ll avenge you Buddy.”

—————

“Isn’t it nice we all get to die together?” Belkar said because he just had to make everyone uncomfortable as they waited for death.  
   
“Fuck off.” Haley said, and really didn’t she always know just the right words?  
   
“Don’t make me kill you five minutes early Belkar,” Roy muttered mostly to himself. Gods save him but he did not want to die with these people.  
   
“Don’t worry guys, we’re not dying all together V isn’t even here.” Elan said.  
   
“Yeah! who does he think he is going of and letting us die by ourself, no sense of solidarity.”   
   
“Maybe i have better things to do”, said a disembodied voice, “like casting a waterproof shield around you”  
   
“Oh thank you, but maybe you didn’t pay attention to the giant flames surrounding us on every side. You know the ones that will burn us alive, but oh thanks we won’t get our feet wet! That’s what I was really worried about. How did you know?”  
   
The voice was smugly silent, for several seconds until water came rushing in through the cave. Filling it completely with exception of a dome around our heroes. 

Their feet remained dry.  
   
There was brief infernal shrieking. 

Then a prolonged sizzling followed by the smell of wet coals.

Then silence fell in their bubble, the water around them nearly black with ash.  
   
“Cool, thanks V.” Haley said looking confidently at the air in front of her.  
   
“Just doing my job as the resident superior being”, Vaarsuvius said and popped back into visibility a few feet from where Haley was looking.  
   
“So how do we get out from under the several tonnes of water.”  
   
“… I admit I did not think that far.”  
   
 


End file.
